5 Weeks Left

Here I am just 5 weeks until my due date and still finding myself shocked and amazed that I am going to have a baby. It just wasn't ever supposed to happen. I am excited and amazed and a tad bit apprehensive as to how our family dynamics will change. Jay is beginning to get really excited and loves on my belly everyday. Chad is still going through so much with his job right now it's hard to have the same connection we had when we were pregnant with Jay. Most of the time I haven't even known exactly what week I'm in. Maybe that's just a first baby thing - everything is so new and unique. I don't know, but I don't think it will hit me full force until this little person is in my arms. I pray it is healthy and normal. Those are real fears for me as well. I pray that I will be the parent I need to be to two children as being a parent to just one is hard enough. Wow, how our lives are fixing to change!

Not a better time than the beginning of a new year. I'm excited to see what God has in store!

It Wasn't Supposed to Happen Like This

After the birth of our daughter, we thought we'd wait a year or two and then have another baby. WRONG! Fertility specialist #1 said...you'll probably need invitro for the best chances of conceiving. Not for us. We didn't want to do anything that invasive or anything close to that. I firmly believed that if God wasn't blessing us with a baby, there was a reason. If it wasn't an easy fix, the last thing I wanted to be doing was placing a baby in my womb for Him. Fertility specialist #2 was taking his time evaluating us both carefully (which I greatly appreciate) and we just decided to let it ride. We basically believed that we would not be able to have any more children.
Honestly, it took me while to get over the fact that I couldn't have more children. I hated going to baby showers and I was secretely jealous anytime someone I knew became pregnant. As we began to get used to the idea that our family would be three and no more, adoption was something both Chad and I thought about, but just weren't ready to take any steps in that direction. I
Within the past year and a half I finally became okay with the idea that we would be just three. I was set in that and I firmly believed that I would raise one child and she would be okay without a brother or sister. The idea only continued to grow as I watched friends have to get this child in this place and the other in another. I would think, wow...life is going to be so nice only having to get kid around. I was truly beginning to enjoy all that I had. Jay was getting older, more independent. Life was good and only getting better.
Then, the next thing I know...I'm pregnant. WHAT?!? How could that be? That wasn't supposed to happen. You've got to be kidding. Sure enough, I was and still am today. I am 7 months pregnant with a child I never thought I'd have. It's funny because I then spent the next two months just trying to get used to the idea that we would no longer be a family of three, but four!
God's timing is great. Looking back, during the time we were trying to conceive, I know it was not the right time. I can see God's provision in giving us this blessing now rather than then. I am thankful for this baby and thankful that I'm having it now and even more thankful that God gave it to me prior to my 40th birthday. (I used to say, "I don't want to have that miracle baby when I'm 40.)
It wasn't supposed to happen like this, but I'm glad it did.

Taming the Tongue

The sermon this morning at church was about watching our tongue. Steve used an illustration of interacting with people as a "dash" or an "L". It took me back to a conversation I was in last week where I deliberatly chose to go the dash route and in a not so nice way. I don't normally choose to be rude to people or just unleash my fury on them, but in this situation I did. And the worst part, I actually heard a still small voice saying, "Kristi, it's really not a good idea." I chose to ignore it and tell this person what I really thought. Later that evening I regretted it. Of course I knew it was wrong. Yes, that person wasn't treating me as she should have and she totally didn't understand the situation as it truly was. But I CHOSE to do the wrong thing.

If I had listened to the voice or stopped to consider God in my anger, I wouldn't have dealt with her in that way.

I learned that day, first to listen to that voice and second to not react to my anger.

I want to remember to consider God in my words EVEN with those in which I'm angry.

If You Don't Mean It, Don't Say It

Over the years I've come to realize that what most people mean when they say, "Let me know if there's anything I can do," what they really mean is "Let me know if there's anything I can do that I WANT to do and isn't too much trouble for me or take too much of my or my family's time." Or maybe it's that they really don't mean it at all it's just become the appropriate thing to say when things go wrong in the lives of our friends.



I can count on one hand the number of times people have actually followed through with this gesture. It's a tough one, I'll admit. But honestly, it's just as tough to break down and ask someone for help.



One situation actually made me laugh outloud. I had found out some really awful news earlier in the day and was going to be out of school the rest of the week. I needed to stay at school that evening and do sub plans and get things together but I couldn't get focused and was having trouble getting anything done. So I texted several friends, told them my delima, and asked if anyone could come hang with me while I worked. One person responded sayng they couldn't come up there because they were busy, they were sorry about the news, and to let them know if I needed anything. HA! That's crazy!



I honestly try not to hold that against them, but it's difficult to see that person as the close friend I had considered them before. She's a great person and I love her dearly, but she obviously missed the point of my message. However, there are those that get it right away. One person did show up that evening and I was able to finish my plans. I'm thankful for her and her willingness to be in a classroom late in the evening listening to me talk and helping with a few things here and there.


Truly the best friends are those who know you need help even before you ask. They can tell by talking to you that you need help. Or my favorite, they just show up with their sleeves rolled up and say, "Tell me where to start. " I've experienced a few of those kinds of friends in my life, but too few in my opinion.

Let's face it, we're all busy. So if you're too busy to "do anything", then don't say offer it. Someone might just take you up on it.

*Warning to self - remember these words as you're consoling those in need.

Ms. O'Donnell

Wow. I can not begin to express the thoughts and feelings I've had this past week since the passing of my aunt on Tuesday morning. My mind has been a whirlwind and my heart has been a literal drum pounding against my chest for hours on end. All the plans I had for the week, which were daunting at best, seem like nothing compared to the last few days. I have been amazed at how much my aunt influenced the lives of her students and it leaves me with a sense of longing to carry on her legacy with them. I feel an urging, a strange desire, to be close to the kids who loved her so dearly. I see their faces etched in my mind as tears pour from their eyes, their hearts silently breaking from the loss of their mentor, their teacher, their mom, their friend. I feel the need to stay close to them: the soccer team who are dedicating every game this year to her, the young man who silently walked up to me and hugged me...he couldn't even speak, the other who came to tell me all she meant to him, the girls and their mom who found her, and many more. Their faces are a constant in mind. I can't seem to let them go.
I spent almost two days in her old school. As I walked in the front door on Thursday afternoon and walked toward the office, my eyes centered on the bulletin board. A big picture of my aunt was right there in the middle encircled by the words We Miss You Ms. O'Donnell. As if that weren't enought, both kids and adults in the school had written their goodbyes all over the board. "You were the best teacher to ever roam these halls.......You will never be forgotten.......Thanks for always being there for me...." Friday I returned to the school alone to take pictures of the board. They sent me to the auditorium to see the star they'd made for her as well. The kids were having a talent show that afternoon and the seniors had decided to dedicate the show to her. They made a large star out of paper and placed her picture in the middle. On the star in sparkly letters was written, "You are our shooting star, Ms. O'Donnell."
As I was leaving, the halls were filling as students filed into the auditorium to see the show. I met the soccer coach just before I left, and he expressed his condolences and how much Aunt Sherry meant to the guys on his team. She had gone to every game and cheered them on even on the cold nights. She was always there and they wanted to present a game ball to someone in the family. I was there and they weren't going to be able to attend the memorial that night because they had a game. So, I stayed. I silently went into the auditorium and tried to blend into the back wall as they began this show. I was nervous and a little uneasy about my situation and did not know what to expect. After about four acts, they called the soccer team up on stage. The coach introduced the players and then me. He told the kids there was someone very special here that he wanted them to meet..."Ms. O'Donnell's niece, Kristi." I honestly thought that most would meet me with indifference and was shocked as the place erupted and kids began shouting "We love Ms. O'Donnell!" at me as I walked down the aisle and up onto the stage. The soccer team stared at me as if they expected something of me, like maybe a hug or something miraculous. I honestly don't know but remember feeling at a loss that I couldn't be more or do more for them. Then as they presented me the ball he said, "We never got to thank Ms. O'Donnell for all she did for us, so let's go ahead and do that now." Once again, and even louder than before, the air exploded with shouts of adoration for my aunt. I can not tell you how that felt except that I am glad to have been able to experience it. I could see no faces and it all seemed a blur. Tears filled my eyes as honor and respect filled my heart. I thanked them for the ball and for loving my aunt the way they did. I am proud of her for making such an impact on the lives of others.
In one of her emails just two weeks ago, we had been discussing why we taught, she expressed that she wanted to leave this world a better place. She wanted to make a difference.

And that is what she did.

Dream - Makers

So, our church has brought this group in called Team Impact. They're a group of big muscly men who break stuff and lift very heavy things and at the same time share their love for Jesus. They spent Thursday and Friday going to our schools and talking to our kids about goals, dreams, and working to acheive them. The kids loved them and were so excited to see them break baseball bats, bend metal rods, and crush cans of soda all over the place. It was exciting. But when all the breaking and crushing was finished, their message was simple. What are you...a dream maker or a dream taker? With what or whom are you surrounding yourself...dream makers or dream takers?



My kids got it...quickly...and I'm already using it to motivate and instill within them to be all they were created to be.



Thanks Team Impact for caring about kids and for giving me another way to help build them up.

Dream Maker or Dream Taker?

What about you?

Excuses

I was scolded today for starting a blog and then not posting anything on it. :) Sorry, I know I should keep it current. And really, what's the point of having one if I'm not going to post? So, here is a post along with a couple of excuses...for your amusement. And I promise, I will do better.



- When I get on the net at home, I get hung up on tooling around facebook. Arrrgggh.

- I have another blog that I work on at work called "Arrington's Island". It is a edublog where I post thoughts on my profession and work my kids have done in class. Our current big project is "Arrington on the Air", a radio show recorded and partly written by my kids. Great fun!

Check it out if you'd like....http://www.mrsarrington.edublogs.org/

- I find it difficult to sit down and write without a specific purpose or thought. Once I have one of these thoughts, I then have to find the time to sit and write. These two things don't usually coincide well. So, I tend to postpone adding the post until I have a good amount of time to thoughtfully write it. (see the first excuse here)

Thanks JP for being my blogging conscience. :)